Mark and I had gone to track down the cougar that attacked Sam Decoven.  We came across some fresh cougar tracks and we were hoping it was the same cougar.  I told Mark to stay where we were and I would go on ahead and see what I could find.  Mark wanted to go with me but I told him to stay with the horses.  I told him not to go far, that I would keep him in my sight, it'll be safer that way.  I slowly walked on ahead following the cougar's trail.  I turned to make sure Mark was still in my sight, he was, so I started on again.  I came across some more tracks when suddenly I heard Mark yelling for me.  "Pa.....Pa.....Paaaaa....!"  The cougar had back tracked and now Mark was in danger.  I ran and saw the cougar in a tree above Mark.  I shot at the cougar missing him, he then ran off.  I ran to Mark.  I was really upset with him, blaming him for what had happened.  "I told you to stay over there with the horses, didn't I?"  "I.....I.....I just thought I'd come over here where it was shady.....I thought it would be alright."  You could tell Mark was really shaken.  "Never mind what you thought! When I give you an order you obey it and no back talk! You remember that!"  "Yes sir.....but the cat could have jumped me over where the horses were....."  I interrupted him.  "I said no back talk Mark! Now what do I have to do to make you understand what.....?"  I suddenly realized I missed the cougar.  I was too busy blaming Mark for what had happened.   I stopped yelling at him and looked at my rifle.  He asked me what was wrong.  I told him it was me, that's what was wrong.  I missed!  If I would have left Mark come with me this would have never happened.  He could be lying here dead because I missed.  "But he ran off," said Mark.  "He could have easily jumped you Mark instead."  "But he didn't and.....everything's alright now Pa."  "Is it?" I asked my son.  I told him we better head home. I was upset with myself.  There must be something wrong with the rifle.  I just couldn't have missed, not at the time Mark needed me most.  That's it!  Maybe it's the rifle or maybe my eyes.  There had to be an explanation for this.

Mark talked all the way home about putting in an irrigation ditch.  He thought maybe he could get his friends to help.  He was excited about what all our options were if his idea worked.  I was too upset to hear a word he was saying.  When we got home he still was rambling on, but I still hadn't heard anything he was saying.  Mark tried talking to me when he realized I hadn't heard a word.  I apologized to him and told him we'd see about it the next day.  I started for the door and told him I'd be back before lunch.  I told him I was going to town to see Angus, North Fork's Gunsmith. 

  As I entered the Gunsmith's, Angus asked me if I had any luck tracking the cougar.  I told him that's was what I came to see him about.  I told him I wanted him to take another look at my rifle.  He told me he had given the rifle a thorough going over before I picked it up the other day.  I told Angus that he better go over the sights again, they were off.  He insisted that he had double checked the rifle before.  I told him to checked it again and when he got it fixed to bring it over to Micah's that I would be waiting.  "Something went wrong?" Asked Angus.  "Yeah.....something went wrong!"  "Al.....alright Lucas.....I'll get it right this time."  "You do that!" I said and headed over to Micah's. 

I told Micah what had happened and that I had taken my rifle back to Angus's.  "Lucas.....Angus is one of the finest gunsmith in these part, he's entitled to one mistake," said Micah.  "Not when it come to my son's life he isn't."  "If you would have been shooting target practice you wouldn't have been so riled," said Micah.  "I keep seeing that cat leaping at Mark's throat instead of running away.  "If that had happened....."  Micah interrupted me....."If is a troublesome word."  "There wouldn't have been any if.....if Angus would have done his job."  No.....maybe not," said Micah.  "What do you mean.....maybe not?" I asked.  "Just that the gun sight might have been lined up proper," said Micah.  "Your saying it was me?" I asked.  "I'm saying it's a possibility, " said Micah.  "Not under those circumstances my good friend."  "Under any circumstances it could happen once," said Micah.  He could see Angus was heading towards his office with my rifle.  "Anyway.....we'll soon know, here's Angus."  There was nothing wrong with my rifle.  Everything checked out perfect.  I just couldn't accept the fact that I missed.  Micah told me that I was letting fear take over instead of common sense.  I told Micah I was going over to Doc's to see what was going on, if it wasn't the rifle then it had to be something else.           

The Doc checked my eyes.  As I started to read the eye chart I could tell it wasn't my eyes.  I could see everything perfectly.  I still couldn't come to terms with the fact that I missed.  Micah was watching for me to come out of the Doc's office.  I slowly approached Razor, my horse.  Micah called to me.  I ignored him.  I got on Razor and he called to me again.  I knew what he wanted.  I didn't say a word, I just rode off.

That night I couldn't sleep.  I just lied in bed with the day going over and over in my head.  Mark was starting to stir.  He was having a nightmare.  He called to me.  I rushed to his side.  He had dreamed the cougar was after him.  "Son.....I'm sorry I missed."  Mark saw how I felt and told me it was only a dream.  I told him to go back to sleep. 

As soon as it was daylight I was outside practicing.  I even woke Mark with the sound of shots firing. Mark ran out to see what was going on.  He knew I was tormented.  He watched me for a few seconds and then went back into the house.  He felt the torment I was putting myself through.

After I finished proving to myself that I still was just as accurate with that rifle as I was before, I headed into town, angry and upset with myself.  I know it was morning but I went to the hotel to have a drink.  I wasn't there very long when Lou approached me.  I wasn't very friendly.  Lou even remarked about her new dress, but I had other things on my mind.  "It's a little early in the day to be dinkin', isn't it?" Asked Lou.  She knew about what had happened to me the day before.  Micah had told her.  I told her that Micah should mind his own business.  "Maybe that's just what he was doing," said Lou.  "As my father used to say.....'when you have a true friend that's hurtin'.....you'll be hurtin' too'!"  "Lucas.....do you think you're perfect? Because if you do, you're mistaken! No man's perfect!"  "I'm good enough not to have missed that cat! I tried to prove it to myself this morning with some targets."  "And?" asked Lou.  "I hit them all."  Pods on a bush, some acorns, what do they matter when it comes to Mark's life?  "How do I know it won't happen again?" I asked Lou.  "You don't ask that question if you have faith in yourself," said Lou. 

Just then a man by the name of *Ben Todd/Ben Kendrick, approached Lou.  He apologized for interrupting us but wanted to talk to Lou.  He told Lou how he had looked for her when he had gotten back into Denver, but heard she had sold out.  He was hoping they would start up where they left off.  Lou told him she wasn't in the mood for his jokes.  She told him they left off with nothing, because they never began, except in his mind.  She knew he didn't come just to see her.  He did tell her he had some railroad business to take care of in town.  Lou asked him to leave but he wouldn't.  "You heard the lady, get out of here!" I said.  He said he wasn't looking for trouble, just wanted to talk to Lou.  I grabbed him and hit him.  Then I grabbed him and hurried him out of the hotel and threw him out into the street.  "Don't come back in here mister.....don't you ever come back!"

When I came out of the Hotel Ben was waiting for me.  He wanted satisfaction.  "Which is it going to be? Either you apologize or you give me satisfaction. One or the other!"  Said Ben.  I grabbed my rifle....."Now you want satisfaction.....you've got it! Right here and now!" I said.  We were ready to face each other when Micah came out of his office and stopped the gunfight.  Ben told me that this didn't finish anything, there would be another time.....another place.             

Micah approached me.  He asked me what I was trying to prove.  That I almost came close to killing a man for no reason.  That the man he knew two days ago would have gotten on his horse and rode out.  He was right.  He told me I was just making excuses because the cougar was too fast for me.  He mentioned that the cougar was still roaming the south country and that she had attacked some more cattle last night.  Micah knew what he was doing.  He knew I would never be satisfied unless I killed that cat.  I had to prove it to myself.  So I headed out of town and started to track her again, but this time by myself.  Or so I thought.  I didn't know that Ben was following me and was hoping to get a chance to settle what we hadn't finished in town.

I was kneeling at the pond when Ben confronted me.  "Hold it McCain! Stay right there! Don't move!"  "McCain you had no call to do what you did in front of Lou!"  I tried to say something, but he wouldn't let me.  "A man can't take that kind of insult and just walk away with his tail between his legs and still call himself a man!"  "You see McCain, you give me no choice, I think you can understand that!" Said Ben.  "I heard in town you're pretty good with that rifle of yours."  While Ben was talking to me I noticed the cougar was behind him.  The cougar was about to jump Ben when I shot and killed it.  Ben didn't know what was going on and reached for his gun.  The cougar fell and landed right in front of Ben.  "I guess I had you figured all wrong McCain. I'd like to put our differences in back of us."  "Well I wouldn't! Not until I apologize first!"  We then shook hands.          

 That night Mark and I were getting ready for bed.  Mark said he hoped I slept better tonight then I had the night before.  I told him that I had lost sight of the fact that he was growing up.  That was what Micah was trying to tell me.  Mark thought since we we're talking about growing up he would tell me that Nils had told him that he had a new man's saddle for him whenever I would be ready for Mark to get it.  I told him we'd see about it in the morning.  I then went over to tuck Mark in.  He looked at me and said....."Pa.....I can do it."