Mark and I were out riding one day on our land, just over the hill from our place. We saw a man in the distance moving some planks of wood from a watering hole. I fired a shot into the air to keep the man from drinking the water. "Are you out of your mind spooking my horse and spoiling the first drink of cool water I've seen in miles?" He said. I apologized to him and told him that he could
thank me for saving his life, the water was poison. "If this water is poison, why isn't there a sign saying so?" I told him that this was my property and being that nobody was suppose to be on it but my cattle who can't read, I covered it with those planks he took away. I told Mark to get his horse for him. "Look there, your gun shot scared me so, I tore my trousers. Friend, I could use the lend of a needle and thread and a hot meal, all to be paid for, of course." I told him I wasn't running a general store but I guess I could manage a needle and thread. "You are a diamond of the first water. I'm Speed Sullivan, a friend of the ill, the infirmed and the endangered." He told me I was in the third category. Mortal danger. "When the huge mallet of Thor hits the mighty heavenly anvil, your life might well be forfeited." I had to laugh at Speed. I had no idea what he was talking about, but I couldn't help but like this guy, even tho I knew he was full of it. I told him we better get going. He said we had to wait for his son. He was coming with the wagon. They followed us to the house.
Mark and Swifty were doing the dishes. Swifty resented having to help. When Mark told him he wasn't getting the dishes clean, he got arrogant with Mark and told him to wash them himself. Mark was trying his best to be polite, but it was hard. Swifty kept at Mark. He told him he'd make someone a fine wife. That did it! Mark took a deep breath. "Listen, I'm trying to be friendly to you, but you just won't let me. Now if my Pa hadn't invited you
here.....well I'd just punch you right in the nose." Swifty told Mark he had things to do out at the wagon, but if he wanted to tangle later he should come down to the barn. "I'll be there," said Mark.
Speed gave me a demonstration of his lightening rods he had for sale. He had a sample house and a small rod like the original ones. "Bet you've never see a demonstration like this before?" Asked Speed. "No I haven't." He showed me what would happen if you had a lightening rod and what would happen if you didn't have one. To expedite the demonstration he put kerosene on the sample house. Then he started up his wheel that he used for the storm and it caught fire. He threw his coat over it. "You now have your home consumed with flames. Sir, only a month ago I saw a home that was struck by lightening. There was one casualty, a lad, about the same age as your boy. If I'd only been there a week earlier or even a day.....you cannot afford to deny your son this protection." He said. "Well I don't often douse my house with kerosene during a lightening storm." That was merely a demonstration devise," he said. "Why did the little house burn?" I asked. "That was merely a demonstration devise, the little house is made out of asbestos, it was the kerosene that burned," he said. "It seems to me I'd be better off putting on asbestos on then your lightening rod." "Sir, your levity pains me," said Speed. "Only thirty-five dollars can protect the life of that lad," said Speed. I told him I'd give him two dollars now and the rest on installation. It wasn't a matter of trust, it was a way of doing business. Then he tried to sell me a bottle of universal Sullivan Panacea.
I saw Mark heading outside and asked him if the dishes were done. He said they were and that he had a job to finish out in the barn.
When Mark got to the barn he was surprised that Swifty acted like nothing ever happened. Mark told him he came out to whip him. Swifty told Mark if he said anything to get him mad, consider it taken back. He had a sales pitch and was planning on conning Mark. Like father, like son. He wanted to know what Mark had to trade. Mark pulls out a bag of fools gold and some Indian heads.
The only thing Swifty didn't know it was fools gold and thought it to be real. He left Mark think he was interested in the arrow heads. He asked Mark if he remembered where he had found them. He told Mark if he gave him all his junk he would give him a gilla monster. He didn't fool Mark, he knew it was just a rusty old lizard. Mark asked him about the vest, the knife and the belt. Swifty told him he was loco. Mark said he didn't want to trade any how. He then started to gather up his things when Swifty asked Mark if he made the trade, would he tell him where he got the stuff. "Well ah, if you promise to do all my chores and clean up while your staying around here," said Mark. Swifty agreed. Mark was pleased with himself.
Speed and Swifty got to talkin' and Swifty showed his Dad the fools gold. He asked if Mark was aware of the gold. He told his Pa that he left Mark under the impression he was interested in the arrow heads. They thought they had one over on us and that they would be rich.
Speedy wanted to give me one
hundred dollars for ten square feet of my property. He wasn't sure which ten square feet, but he wanted to take his pick. He wasn't sure because Mark hadn't showed Swifty where he found the arrow heads. I told him he might want the part where my house or my well was, so if he didn't tell me the price would go up to five hundred dollars. He thought that to be highway robbery. I told him that was the deal. "Look, suppose I guarantee not to harm any existing structures. Would you sell me the mineral rights to your entire holdings and guarantee me a ten foot of entry at the place of my choosing?" Asked Speed. I asked him if he had five hundred dollars. He said that was all the money he had in they world. I told him to take it or leave it. He got his money and the contract out. He said he knew I was gonna be busy and asked if Mark could show me around.
I didn't know at the time, but Marsh and Cleek Watson was trailing the Sullivan's. Apparently these brothers have been trailing Speed for selling panacea to their Pa, who had took ill after he drank some. He nearly died from his tonic. Marsh realizes they are on my land. "Lucas McCain, he's the one they call "The Rifleman."
While Mark was showing Speed around, Speed saw the Watson brothers coming and told Mark they better get out of there. They thought Mark was the boy who delivered panacea to their Pa. "This ain't my Pa. I'm
Mark McCain and you better let me alone before my Pa hears about this." They wouldn't listen to him. Cleek told Mark to shut up. They then tied them to a tree. Speed tried to talk them out of whatever they had in mind. They wouldn't listen. They planned on hanging Speed. He told them he had a gold mine. If they left them go he would give it to them. They checked it out, only to find it was fools gold. They laughed and was getting ready to hang Speed. "Alright, hold it! Cut him loose," I said. "You'd be a fool to jump two men this far apart. You'd never swing that rifle in time to get both of us, at least one of us would get you," said Marsh. "You just take one more step apart and we'll find out," I said. Marsh went for his gun. I shot him. I told Cleek to help his brother up and get off my property. They rode off. I then went and untied Mark and Speed. It's seems this was getting to be a habit, me saving Speed, again! "Why did they throw this nugget away, it's worth sixty or seventy dollars. It's pure gold." said Speed. "Iron pyrite, fools gold. It's good for a flint for starting a fire, but that's about all. My property's.....full of it." I said.
"I've taken a few in my time and I've been taken by a few. But you two are without pier," said Speedy. "I'll tell you Speedy, a good salesman is the easiest person to sell something to," I said. I had all his money now. He told me it took him six years to save that money. He was going to use it for his son's education. "Now all I've got to pass along to him is a sales pitch, the formula for Sullivan's panacea and a supply of lightening rods that never get delivered." "Speed, I don't really want a partner in my land. I'll tell you what. Would you like to sell me back those mineral rights?" He looked at me. Pleased.
"You mean it?" He asked. "For two hundred and fifty dollars," I said. "Oh now wait a minute, I paid you five hundred dollars for those.....those rights are worth at least....." "Course if you don't want 'em. You know you didn't come into this with clean hands. You were trying to cheat me out of a gold mine." He agreed. He gave me the contract and I gave him his money. "Now wait a minute," he said. "There's more then two hundred and fifty dollars there." I told him there was four hundred and ninety-eight dollars there. I didn't want to keep his money, I just wanted to teach him a lesson. "Where is the other two dollars? He asked. "That two dollars is a refund. I'm canceling out that lightening rod that doesn't get delivered." We laughed as we shook hands and said good-bye.
of "The Rifleman" ~ 'Assault' as Speed Sullivan. He's the guy that Vashti Croxton accused him of assaulting her when it was really her boyfriend. Swifty and Speed are father & son in both episodes. Although Bob Sweeney was mostly know for his acting, he was also a producer for "The Baileys of Balboa" - TV series ~ a supervising producer for "Hawaii Five-O" - seasons 4-7 ~ an executive producer for "Dead Man on the Run" ~ "The Andros Targets" ~ "Ethel is an Elephant."
